fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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