I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
