I hope mine doesn't look like that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
