he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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