Ambien. No doubt about it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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