My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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