hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
