btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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