Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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