WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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