I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
