I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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