She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
