Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
