The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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