either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
