I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
