That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
