Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
