lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
