i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
