come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize