He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
