grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
