I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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