She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
