That's intense
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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