im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
