I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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