it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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