Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
