Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
