so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well you can't waste a boner
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
