The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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