New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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