the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
