Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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