everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
