I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
