Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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