Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
