I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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