I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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