Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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