Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
