Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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