so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
