Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
