matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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