I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
