he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
