just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
