96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize