Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
