Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
