what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
