i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
