The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
