We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
