im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
