I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
