he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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