Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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