I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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