:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
