Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry colt45n2zigzags hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?

Fav 14 860 5271
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.

Fav 11 825 4065
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

Fav 10 1224 3694
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

Fav 2 4698 960
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

Fav 7 4144 1275
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.

Fav 8 2101 915
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, that was you

Fav 7 3235 1213
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix

Fav 2 660 315
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(224): View more from Illinois

He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.

Fav 0 117 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT