if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
