the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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