I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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