i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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