We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
